Communication through others ears...

I was nervous about who was going to evaluate me on my communication skills.  I know how I sound in my head, and how things occasionally come out sounded ridiculous, but I was more concerned about how I came across to those around me.  I chose to have a friend of mine and my mother do the evaluations.  Now I was not concerned about what my friend would say, because we have a very open relationship of no judging, just honesty.  So I thought with her, that our outcomes would be very similar.  With my mother, that was a different story.  I think every mother daughter relationship have their periods where one feels more superior than the other.  I did not know because of so much emotion being assigned to our conversations if she would be able to hear me for me, or because I was her daughter.

Surprisingly all of our evaluations were within points of each other!! I found this surprising and relieving! I know what I try to strive for with my conversations, but was not always sure that they came off that way.  Apparently I am not doing that bad of a job at this whole communication thing. :)

From reading through the evaluation categories I learned that I do need to modify my communication and listening tactics a little bit.  I tend to be slightly naïve when people tell me things, and unfortunately I have been that way my whole life.  I take many things at face value, but I am learning at how to analyze the information that I receive, and then how to respond to it.  That is the other issue I have.  Sure I might ramble off a handful of suggestive ways that someone could correct or fix their problems, even though they never asked for that.  This is a family trait as well, so I have some major reconnection to fix there!  I find it helpful talking to people through text message, because it allows me more time to analyze the conversation and to determine if they wanted advice, or they just wanted someone to listen.  My friends are very good at letting me know when I have it wrong because they will question my silence or delayed responses with 'What do you think" or "Has that ever happened to you?"

I really like the relationships that I have created over the years, and I am proud to say that I am communicating on a very honest level with my friends and family.  I appreciate that they are aware of those things within me, and that they use them to their strength as well. 

Communication with Others

I do not find myself communicating differently with people from different cultures.  I find that when I am at work, as a professional I speak to everyone the same way.  I speak with the same professional demeanor, my language stays consistent.  I do tend to speak differently around friends and family.  I have friends that have different language levels and I do adjust myself accordingly.  With having friends of the family that are teachers as well, it is hard to use slang or abbreviated talk because they will critique your words and communication skills. 
I speak differently at sporting events than I do at the theater as well.  There are different atmospheres that allow different communication skills in order to blend into the culture surrounding you. 
Having a good understanding of the people that you are communicating with allows you to have better relationships with these people.  Always having an open form of communication with the families that you work with can open the lines of communication.
Keeping in constant contact with your families builds a great foundation so that when there is anything that ever comes up that you might need to talk with them about, you already have a strong relationship.  This helps the lines of communication stay open.  One of the hardest parts of communication is being honest with others, but it also a benefit.  When you can have honest communication with others it takes the guess work out of it.  You never go into a situation and are left wondering if they are holding something back.
It is definitely not easy, but it is worth it.

It's all about the body language.

The show that I chose to watch was Rake.  In the beginning it showed what looked to be recaps from previous episodes.  The scene starts off with a man having what I am assuming is his girlfriend pull out one of his teeth.  He seems to be convincing her to do it, and she does.  Maybe he does not have insurance and has a bad tooth, who knows?! It is possible that he cannot afford insurance, because he got a ride with a neighbor to go to a funeral.  The main character seemed to be upset at the funeral, but it does not seem like he truly knows the person.  In one second there seems to be a heated argument between the main character and someone else at the funeral, and the next second they are hugging and talking together. 

In the next scene the main character goes to a bar to meet up with an acquaintance, but he leads him to the back of his bar and beats him up.  The main character gives nonverbal cues at what looks like to have the man punch him in the face.  His acquaintance does so, and the main character ends up pulling out his tooth!

As it turns out the main character is a lawyer, which would explain why everyone he comes into contact with either seems angry, upset or hurt.  There seem to be a lot of heated arguments with other characters.  I do not know if this is typical for this show, or if it is because it is not the first episode either. 

I thought that this assignment was going to be easy, and it was just the opposite.  I found it hard to stay interested in a show I have never heard about, and never watched before, on mute! 

Turns out he couldn't afford a dentist, and is having money issues.  At the funeral he was listening to a football game that he had made a bet on.  Inside the church at the funeral, he dropped his phone and the football game started echoing through the church.  The man that he started talking to at the funeral was a friend of his that he was trying to get to open up about his fathers death.  He was encouraging him to express his true feelings towards his father now that he has passed. 

The man that he went and saw at the bar was his bookie.  He made a bet on the football game he was listening to at the funeral, and now he is in a huge debt.  So his bookie had to beat him up to demonstrate the seriousness the situation, and to let him know when he needed to pay his debt.

What type of show did I get myself involved in?!?!  Turns out the lawyer has more people upset at him because he is defending a cannibal.  Many of the characters do not understand why he is defending a cannibal, but it turns out that it is not against the law to be one. 

There are a lot of things that I did not pick up with just the nonverbal communication side of it. 

I do think that my assumptions would have been different if it had been a show that I was more familiar with, and knew from the beginning, instead of jumping into a show on their 4th episode.  Trying to understand the characters at this point while the show was on mute was hard and challenging.  It is definitely beneficial to be able to listen!!

Communication

The person that I think about is one of my professors from back in California.  The things that I feel that made her an effective communicator is that from the very beginning of her class she made herself available to her students. She always welcomed in her students ideas and concepts of things that had been learned from our own journeys.  It was through our personal experiences that she wanted to get to know her students better.  Often times she would take some of her students out for coffee to get to know us better. 

Having such an open and caring teacher allowed me to respect her and feel confident that no matter what struggle I was going through, that I could ask her a question about it, and that I would not just be cast aside.  At another university that I attended, I did not have one teacher that knew my name, I was just a number on a roster.

I would love to model some of my communication behaviors after her.  Having take the simple amount of time to get to know me, and help me through my college career was priceless.  I hope that I am able to transfer that same type of atmosphere with my students and families.  I want to be able to get to know them and for them to be comfortable enough to come to me for whatever they might need.   

Hopes and Dreams

     I hope that with all the children and families that I work with, that no one feels left out or belittled by the actions that I take.  I always try my best to stay on top of information and work that is needed on a daily basis within the classroom.  Many of my students are in before and after school care, it is my hope that with the extra attention to newsletters, handouts, notes and projects that even if I do not see parents, that they feel welcomed within the room.  I know that my parents are working hard to support for their families, and I want them to know that I am working hard with their children as well. 
     The one goal that I have is to set up and maintain a Who Am I wall.  I want families and children to be able to explore their cultural heritage and be confident in stating who they are and where they come from.  Many of my students are unaware of the differences around them.  They know the similarities when they talk about parents in jail, or electricity being turned off. I do not want them to know that this is the only similarity they share with people.  I want the students within my class to leave with a love and understanding of who they are.
    
     I have loved sharing this course with all of my classmates.  It has been an adventure of learning, and I am sad to see this class go.  Thank you all for your kind words of support and wisdom! I look forward to continuing the journey with you all, and to conquer this program!

Hello Finland!

I was inspired about the story in our course reading, and I started to investigate Finland.  The more I investigate it, the more I want to go!!
There are some great ways that you can make a new family feel welcome in your center.

First off you can have signs in their native language that welcome them into the room.  The website http://www.speakfinnish.co.uk/phrases/general_conversation has all different types of phrases, numbers, colors and other valuable language that you can learn and hear in Finnish!
This would be an amazing thing to work with students prior to the students arrival into the room.  That way when the family enters, the classroom has some key phrases that they have studied that they can say to welcome the new child into the room. 

With learning about the language, you can also learn about the country at www.visitfinland.com.  Children in the class can spend time researching information and come up with a list of questions that they would like to ask the new student upon their arrival.  This can give the student a sense of pride in who they are and where they came from. 

Art projects, who doesn't love a good art project? Students would be able to tear pieces of paper in the colors of the flag of Finland to place on the walls within the classroom to show support of the new students arrival. 

Talking with the family and finding out what language they speak will be very important.  Even though it is said that many Finnish people speak English it will be important to ask the family what other language they would like to keep with the child.  In doing so I would also ask the family if they would mind coming in once a month and read a story to the class in Finnish.  This would give the children and the family a love of a language.  To be able to learn a new language, and to keep an old one. 

The last thing that I would do is to give the family a list of resources that are available within the community that have a link to Finnish culture.  There could be a restaurant, small community, a library with information, or even a health spa.  Saunas are huge in the Finnish culture.  It is something that is started when children are very young, and some even have their last cleansing in a sauna after they die.  It is a cultural thing that they take very seriously.  Finding a resource like that within the community would be a friendly gesture to say "welcome home."

The Personal Side of Bias, Oppression and Prejudice

I really had to think about this one.  There have always been name calling or negativity, but I really had to think of the meaning behind it. So this is what I remember....

When I moved out to California I was living with a family that stayed away from the faith practices.  I had been attending church for as long as I could remember, and missed the family support.  So I went with one of the families friends to their church with them.  This was awkward the whole way around.  It felt weird leaving the house because I felt like I was breaking some kind of code that the family stays in the house on Sunday's.  So when I returned from church I was talking to the lady I was living with, and I told her that her friend had complimented me. The lady I was living with made up this whole shenanigans as to why is was just about her friend, and not even really directed at me. After that she cut off contact from that friend.  It was really hard to go back to church after that. I felt like it wasn't acceptable to go. 

Just because I came with a different set of values does not mean that she had to squash them because I was not like her.  It was deflating because it was part of who I was.  I was in a time in my life where I had to find out who I was, and unfortunately I did not fight hard enough for the things that I wanted for myself. 

Going through this experience I wish I would have stuck to my guns, and kept up with what I found important. There were other people around me that had the similar passions as me, I was just afraid to stand up for myself.  In this situation I think that we could have both learned from each other.  She had a fear about the church, something that needed to be worked out.  Also it is important for her to understand that whatever she went through as a child, is not the way that it has to be as an adult.  I needed to learn how to stand up for myself.  I spent too much of my life trying to please other people and to help them, instead of figuring out who I was and what I wanted. 

You can only learn and grow from the past to become a stronger person.